So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
