I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
