i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize