Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
