Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The struggles of a small town man whore
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
