So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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