At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
