upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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