carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i think my mom watched the whole time
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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