It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you will always have a special place in my vag
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
