I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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