when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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