Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
