I wish my penis had an off switch
i think my tv is drunk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
