he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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