Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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