when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
