I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I would ride that face into the sunset
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
