I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
