if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
