Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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