Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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