are you still at the devil's house?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
