So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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