even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
