Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
