Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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