I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you will always have a special place in my vag
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
