literally had 100 drinks last night.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
