He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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