i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Randomize
