You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
