i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I want to be your penis for a week.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
