glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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