i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
