I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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