after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
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max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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