i was born a porn star she said
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just cropdusted the office
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
