Christians are straight up FREAKS
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
