You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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