Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
