hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
