It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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