I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
