its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
