i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
