I've blown a few things in my day
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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