Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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