awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
