i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
