I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
MIDGETS
????
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
