I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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