the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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