hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
