I think i peed on brittanys purse
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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