thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
