You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She needs sedatives and a leash
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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