i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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