Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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