Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
