he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
