she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
