Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
