before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
