so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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