i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
