ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
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Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
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So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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