i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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