I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
