OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
