I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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