I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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