I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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