remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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