your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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