I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
