Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
