gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
