if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
