I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
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his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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