I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I faked an abortion last night.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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