It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
